Nothing But Vain Fantasy
by indelicatedelay
Summary: Regulus and Severus are idealistic teenagers who've just made the biggest decisions of their lives by taking the Dark Mark, but life isn't as black and white as they'd like to believe. Relationships mostly as canon, rating due to DE shenanigans.
1. Idealism

_The names I've used here aren't Avery and Mulciber's canonical first names because as far as I'm aware we don't know them - please tell me if I'm wrong. I felt a bit weird calling them by their surnames while I called others by their first names and when their fathers got involved it got even more confusing. For future reference, I'm going by a general rule in this that if I use a character's first name (real or imagined) then they went to school with Severus and Regulus, if I use their last name then they're the parental units, authority figures, etc. There may be a few exceptions though. I'm going with "Annie" as Andromeda's nickname rather than "Dromeda" because the latter sounds like a camel and she's too classy for that. Maybe she abandoned that nickname when she escaped the family clutches._

**_idealism__: noun - the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, esp. unrealistically_**

The sunset was staining the wall across from the window in the Rosier family's drawing room a deep blood-red. Evan Rosier, Demetrius Avery and Dantalion Mulciber were standing next to their fathers, looking incredibly bored. The older men in the room discussed business in quiet, measured tones. It gave Regulus the feeling of a particularly strange family reunion, especially as his cousin Bella was somewhere in the room. Regulus suddenly thought of his parents and Kreacher all waiting at home for him and felt a pang of something close to guilt and loneliness.

An angular figure that could only be Severus Snape stood alone in the shadows at the other side of the room and Regulus was bizarrely thankful for his presence. He didn't exactly like him - he made it impossible for people to like him on purpose, Regulus was sure of it - but he had a certain respect for him, the way he seemed to take people's hate in his stride and make himself stronger with it, and the way he'd risen up from unmentioned inauspicious beginnings. They had to be inauspicious; Regulus had checked every relevant book of history and genealogy in his parents' library and not found a single Snape since the 18th Century. Severus had been the one who declared that taking the Mark while still at school was either very brave or very stupid and that which one it turned out to be was entirely up to the bearer, preaching a doctrine of self-determination. One blazed on his sallow skin now, matching Regulus's in every way. His own Mark still stung but the pain was no longer unbearable, unless they were called.

He walked over and Severus looked at him impassively before re-arranging his features into a smirk. "Hello, Black Minor."

Regulus grimaced. "Don't call me that. Ugh. I've told everyone a thousand times... that makes them more inclined to do it, doesn't it?"

"Obviously." Severus leaned on the sideboard.

Demetrius and Dantalion detached themselves from the watchful gaze of their fathers and joined them. Bellatrix was talking directly to the Dark Lord in a hushed and reverent voice, although Regulus couldn't make out the words, and he cringed when he saw her reach out and touch that chalky white hand with its stretched-over-bone skin. "Anyone else would be killed on the spot, or at least get a dose of the Cruciatus Curse," whispered Evan, obviously in awe. But then the Dark Lord pushed her off with a dismissive wave and she pouted before walking back over to Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa's husband of three years now. It couldn't be anyone else; those strands of white-blond hair peeking out from under his hood were highly distinctive. Bellatrix was looking at him in an odd way and Regulus couldn't stop his mind from racing off somewhere unpleasant. He suspected something was going on between her and Rabastan, and her infatuation with the Dark Lord himself had been obvious to him since he'd taken the Mark six months ago, but he couldn't help thinking of how Cissy would feel if Lucius was having some kind of affair and she found out. She had always been his favourite cousin, playing house with him, setting up tea-parties for his toys, hugging him when Annie or Bella or Sirius pushed him or pinched him or tried to shove him in a pond.

Demetrius seemed to pick up on the horrified look on Regulus's face. "I've heard that she's sleeping with both her brothers-in-law," he said casually. Regulus was almost more unsettled about how relaxed he seemed than the slur against his family - he'd never pegged any Avery for the sort who'd gossip like a fishwife at the very first chance he got. But slur it was. Regulus felt a little more angry at Bellatrix than anyone else; he liked Rodolphus more than any of his other in-laws because he could hold a sensible conversation, just so long as he stopped twitching and stuttering for a moment or two.

"I wonder if she likes younger men," said Dantalion with a leer. "And I wager she's not exactly averse to a little experimentation." He flourished his wand. "Although Imperius isn't half as fun if they're willing."

Regulus scowled at them, fists clenched and temper fraying dangerously. "Shut up about Bella. She's my cousin, and - "

"Evan Rosier's her cousin too, and he's not denying that she is... less than wholesome," interrupted Severus Snape, cruelly pushing the issue with the smirk on his face he wore when he knew he'd found a button he could press that would make the person he was baiting feel even worse than he did. Regulus briefly wondered how he could kill all of them and make it look like an accident. "It's always just after the Dark Lord publicly rejects her, isn't it?"

"If you're quite finished," said Regulus in the quietest and calmest tone he could muster, "I've got better things to do than listen to your idle rumour-mongering." He turned around, head held high, and he could feel Severus's glare burning into the back of his neck.

"Don't ignore me when I'm speaking to you!"

"Oh?" Regulus turned back and raised his eyebrows. "I wasn't aware this was a conversation. To me, it just seemed like you were a little... you know... hormonal. Bitching away like that."

Severus looked more as if he was going to laugh derisively than as if he were insulted. "You, implying that I'm effeminate? That's rich."

The other two had been watching them as if they were interesting specimens in a jar, perhaps silly little insects, and their fathers and the Rosiers didn't even seem to have noticed that they were having a quiet but vicious spat in the middle of the drawing room. The Dark Lord didn't seem to care either, far too busy discussing something with Karkaroff and Nott - the arguments of little children were below him, Regulus supposed. But he suddenly felt scared, exposed, and almost insanely angry, a white-hot rage burning him up from somewhere far too secret to fathom. He took deep breaths, steadying himself, then finally gathered enough resolve to talk without shouting.

"Be quiet, Snape, you're spoiling it."

"Oh, is this your special day, hanging around with the high and mighty?" hissed Severus sarcastically. "Sorry for not sharing your utter joy at what's apparently the only bright spot in your oh-so-torturous week."

Regulus stared at him in disbelief, then he suddenly realised - Severus really didn't care. Regulus was no stranger to the psychological masks people wore on an everyday basis and was guilty of putting on the disguise of apathy himself, mostly to cover up his fire before he burned out altogether. This was a whole new animal. Severus didn't just play at being apathetic about the cause, he really was - going through the motions, saying the words in chorus with everyone else, while not actually caring about the outcome. This new knowledge made Regulus a little nervous, and he scowled.

"Take it outside you two," laughed Evan. With barely contained rage and fear they sneaked across the back of the room and into a dingy corridor.

Regulus matched his opponent glare for glare. They would be glorious, that was what Lucius and Rabastan had said to him, glorious and all-powerful. He didn't like either of them but it was an offer that was hard to refuse. He could even smash Sirius into the ground someday soon if he liked, and he didn't doubt that such a thing had been a good incentive for Severus too. But that was supposed to be an added bonus, not the be-all-and-end-all... wasn't it? He couldn't remember a time when thoughts of pureblood pride and joining the Death Eaters hadn't been accompanied by that feeling of hate twisting and searing all through his body.

He shivered, pushed the thoughts from his mind, and glared at his black-clad companion. "You're a fraud. You don't care about the cause at all, you're just here because you want to destroy everything you can. We're supposed to be creating a new era, not - "

"Look around you," snapped Severus, pushing his hair out of the way of his eyes and looking slightly agitated. He sounded a lot less polished and superior now, and Regulus decided that this slight lapse in control could be rather interesting. "Look back into that room full of polished nitwits. You've been a Death Eater for long enough, do you still think we're all here because of dreams and romanticised principles? You're just a stupid little boy."

"I'm only a year younger than you - "

" - and you haven't lived through half of what I have, so shut up before I hex your lips together." An accent Regulus couldn't place had slipped out in the anger and he mentally noted it. Wonderful ammunition.

"I hate to break up the pity-party, boys," said a familiar, derisive voice, "but this isn't a social event. You are not at the Slug Club Christmas party and you are not old witches at a knitting circle meeting, so be quiet, both of you." Lucius Malfoy had clearly sensed an opportunity to play at being important and followed them out. He sounded unbearably unctuous under that white, expressionless mask. Regulus was increasingly of the opinion that the masks were decorative rather than practical - he could recognise absolutely everyone at the meeting. But now he couldn't help thinking about what Demetrius had said. He felt a vein in his neck pulse a little too hard.

"I hate him," muttered Regulus quietly once Lucius had gone away again.

"Good. Maybe there's the slightest chance you're not as big an idiot as I thought."

They stood in complete silence for a few minutes then walked back into the drawing room, where the Dark Lord had finally stopped discussing whatever plans he had for his more senior followers and finally gave them his full attention.


	2. Mind Games

_This chapter started as part of this series, became a one-shot and is now back in the series because I took out the Severus/Regulus during a re-write. Regarding Snape smoking, I always see him as a smoker. Probably something to do with the yellow teeth. Full disclaimer: I haven't managed to quit yet either._

Severus was getting better and better at Occlumency and Legilimency, so good it almost scared him. He didn't even need to say the spell or raise his wand anymore to get at least a glimpse of most people's minds. All he had to do was get them to meet his gaze, even for a brief moment.

It was nothing like the real thing, of course, just skimming over the top and being able to know if they were telling him the truth or lying through their teeth. It was basically the equivalent of a very good knowledge of how to interpret body language. But it was a rare skill nonetheless and something to be proud of. An achievement. A weapon. He knew that in a weird and twisted way this was the psychological equivalent of undressing someone with his eyes, a secret sort of violation of privacy that went even deeper because it relied on truth not imagination, but that wasn't the kind of thing that bothered him.

Bellatrix Lestrange's eyes betrayed a lot. Her thoughts, when not strictly regimented, tended to escape their compartments and drift around her head completely at random. So when he tried out his little trick on Regulus Black he had expected his eyes to lead to a more neat and disciplined sort of mind. However, he was surprised to find that it was just as chaotic, and even though he utterly detested him he had to express a grudging admiration for the way that he kept it all under control. He supposed that he shouldn't have been so surprised when he was essentially looking behind the same colour and shape of eyes, even though Regulus only resembled Bellatrix in superficial ways.

Of course, he never went very deep. He could tell that Bellatrix had more than an adequate knowledge of Occlumency and would put up shields instantly if she felt threatened, and he wasn't actively suicidal. So he was sure none of them had even felt the slightest hint of him poking round their heads, right up until the moment Regulus Black pushed him out of his in the middle of a Death Eater meeting after they'd had a particularly "special" spat in the corridor.

The boy gave no outward appearance of being bothered all the way through the rest of the meeting but once everyone had begun to disperse he walked up. Severus tensed. He fully expected some sort of tantrum but it didn't come. Instead, Regulus simply stared at him, obviously thinking hard.

"I want you to teach me Legilimency and Occlumency." Regulus said it without so much as a scrap of politeness, standing there with one hand on his hip and the other holding his wand at his side, the very picture of the perfect little pureblood heir he obviously wished he was.

Severus rolled his eyes and picked at the cuticle of his left index finger in an attempt to look nonchalant while he resisted the ever-rising urge to punch Regulus in the jaw. "What makes you think I can do either?"

"Do you think I haven't felt you rummaging through my mind as if it belongs to you? You're not as subtle as you think. Or smart, if you couldn't guess."

_Damn._

"I won't teach you," said Severus sullenly and walked away, or at least he tried to. Regulus had the quick reflexes of a Seeker, after all, and he'd grabbed Severus's arm uncomfortably tightly before he even managed to turn around.

"What, are you scared I'll be better at it than you are?" The accompanying grin was surprisingly feral, and Severus had never been so aware of how much Regulus resembled his arrogant bastard of a brother in more ways than just dark hair and high cheekbones.

"No. I'd rather not waste my time. I'll admit you've got the sort of mind that could handle the _concept_ of Occlumency, putting everything in little boxes, but in reality you would trip at the first hurdle. And Legilimency? That takes an entirely different level of subtlety, a higher one. You'll run in without an ounce of delicacy - "

"I'm not my brother," snapped Regulus.

Severus smirked. "See. That's what I mean. No control. That tongue of yours will get you in trouble, just like your idiot sibling." He wrenched himself out of Regulus's grasp and didn't give him the satisfaction of looking back.

Severus had last slept in his mildewed room in the house at the bottom of Spinner's End over a year ago, and he didn't miss that life one bit. The bedsit flat he was renting over a drinking den in Knockturn Alley served him well - a quick silencing charm dealt with the shrieks and cackles of the patrons below (he'd never seen them and didn't care to) and then he could sit alone and read or whatever else he felt like doing. He wasn't happy there, but he didn't dwell on that because the inevitable destination of that train of thought had dark red hair and bright green eyes and made his head ache and his guts twist.

He stubbed his cigarette out in an abandoned mug then set up his cauldron, conjured a flame beneath it and got to work on a sleeping draught. He still had his Advanced Potions textbook with his frantic annotations but he'd committed every detail to memory. He had to. He couldn't bear to look at it and remember all the times he and Lily had tried out new methods, messing around with potions ingredients, laughing when they went wrong and smiling when they got it right.

He'd gotten as far as slicing the valerian roots when an unwelcome presence announced itself.

"Hello," said Regulus Black, shutting the door behind him.

"How the hell did you get into my flat?" shouted Severus. "Get out!"

"No," said Regulus, calm and infinitely smug even when being threatened with a knife covered with squashed valerian roots. "Honestly, silencing charms? How are you supposed to hear Aurors or that damnable Order coming for you up the stairs if you've got those all over the place?"

"I have other precautions."

"Yes, and I got through them. I have fantastic sneaking-around skills, it's the kind of thing you have to perfect living with my family, and I know your landlord. My mother has a lot of business with him, actually. Sometimes connections _are_ important. Ugh, it stinks in here. Have you started smoking those Mudblood cigarette things again? They're so disgusting."

"Are you here to annoy me to death or do you actually have a reason for breaking and entering?" sneered Severus, ignoring the question. He had started smoking again, that much was true, but his occasional Muggle habits were none of Black Minor's damned business. "If it's about those lessons, then I've already told you, I'm not helping."

"I can pay you," said Regulus quickly.

"I don't need your charity." Severus tried not to look at the cheap furniture or the perennially peeling wallpaper. But Regulus looked simultaneously disappointed and defiant, and Severus had to admit that he was intrigued by the sheer level of persistence he was displaying. "Look," he relented, "why do you want to learn Occlumency? Is this just a childish whim, or have you got a definite objective in mind?"

Regulus looked a little unsettled. "Well... to put it bluntly, you aren't the only person in my current social circle who can read minds. I'd rather not leave myself open to trouble. So will you teach me?" Regulus pulled a galleon from his pocket, throwing it up in the air and catching it again as easily as breathing.

Severus stared at the glittering gold coin intently for a moment. "Fine," he said finally, exhaling dramatically. "Just so long as you are aware that you can't learn everything today. It takes a very long time, a lot of concentration, and a lot of practice."

"Start me with the basics then."

"Fine. Tonight, I am going to get into your mind and memories, and you have to extricate me by any means necessary - eventually you'll have to do it using only the power of your mind, but - " he looked at Regulus distastefully " - that might take a while. So at first all you have to do is figure out how to resist the onslaught."

Regulus nodded. "Try me."

An hour later, Severus would have been almost getting bored of free access to Regulus Black's mind if it weren't for the adrenaline rush. He pushed through memories yet again (his mother and Sirius shouting at each other, a house-elf making cocoa, his first kiss, all silly little things) then snapped back into reality, gasping for breath. Regulus was lying sprawled on the floor panting, mouth slightly open and a pink tinge to his cheeks.

"You're hardly even trying. If I didn't know better, I'd say you actually enjoy me rummaging through your mind as if it belongs to me."

Regulus glared at him from the floor. "I don't like your tone. What exactly are you implying?" He got up and brushed dirt off his robes, nose wrinkling up in disgust in a way that combined with his fragile bone structure made him look disturbingly like Narcissa even without her freak-of-nature golden hair. That was the Rosier influence, no doubt, or one of those genes that sprung up when no-one was looking. Severus felt that you really had to admire that sort of sneakiness in biology.

"Oh, nothing, nothing." Severus didn't even try to keep the self-satisfied look off his face. "Ready to try again?"

He pouted, actually _pouted_. "Of course. It'll take more than anything you can throw at me to take me down."

"Fine. Legilimens!"

For a moment he was inside another memory, but before he could even register what it was there was a force pushed him back. He sensed himself fall to his knees with an arthritic-sounding crack but it was so far away it was as if it was happening to someone else.

A man shouting. A woman crying. A slap across the face that stung like fire over his cheeks and nose. Staring at the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Hushed whispers. Spitting an unforgivable word.

In an unconsidered motion, something from far beyond his conscious mind, he punched Regulus Black in the nose.

He missed, hit his pearly teeth which grazed his knuckle and then he felt blood on his hand, but it mostly wasn't his own, and the fighting psyches of Severus Snape and Regulus Black settled back into their own respective minds like dogs in the pit being called back to their masters' heels, still tense and ready to spring back into the fray.

Severus wanted to shout, demand to know what Regulus had managed to figure out from that collection of vague shades and whether he was now one of the biggest threats to him he knew, but all he managed to do was mutter "that's my personal business. You had no right. And I thought you didn't know Legilimency."

Regulus was back on the floor again, blood all over the front of his expensive robes and looking more scared than defiant, and Severus allowed himself a little shiver of victory. But then the smirk was back. "I don't. I'd like to pretend I'm some natural savant at it, but if I'm honest it was a reflex reaction. It was like being a caged animal."

_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you._

"What exactly did you expect me to do when you were demanding I actually try to get you out of my mind? Play nice?"

"Playing nice? Don't kid yourself. I could kill you before you even knew I was there. I'm done with you."

Regulus said nothing, just stood up shakily, wiped more blood off his mouth with his sleeve then stalked off, slamming the door behind him. Severus groaned and collapsed on his bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling. He reached for his packet of cigarettes but Regulus had reminded him that it was a dirty Muggle habit, and Lily had always hated it too... he settled for wishing Lily would get the hell out of his head.


End file.
